Monday, June 22, 2009

Feeling sorry...

So, I've been keeping up with Chrissie via the SCDC inmate search application. I think about her a lot. I wonder what she's doing right now. I wonder if she'd care if I wrote to her. I wonder if she really meant what she said in the court room. I really hope she wasn't "pulling a fast one" on us. None of us wanted her to get a decade or more behind bars. We knew, being the type of person she is, if she went away for a long time, she'd come out a worse person than when she went in. It wouldn't do her or anybody any good to just lock her up and throw away the key. In 1 year's time, we'll see if she does any good by speaking to young people and telling her story. I would love to see her speak and hear what she has to say.

More than anything, I want her to know that we forgive her. We are sorry for her family. We are sorry she made the decision that she did. I could tell by looking at her that this ordeal is eating her up inside. I could tell by looking at her in court that she was in shock, still. That she couldn't believe she was actually going through this.

She has lost so much weight. She has lost the coloring in her skin. She looks like she's ill. I feel for her, I feel for her family. I feel for her when she has kids and they find out their mom killed someone. It's a sad situation for everyone involved.

I put together some pictures to show what a metamorphosis this young lady has gone through. Not only is she physically imprisoned, it looks like she's emotionally imprisoned by all the guilt that's eating away at her.

CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The sentencing hearing

We had court yesterday, finally, after 21 long months of waiting. We went into the courtroom and Chrissie had lots of family and friends there for support. I'm sure we would have had more if we were local as well. You can't begin to imagine how much traveling to and from South Carolina 3 times has cost us financially as well as emotionally. My dad lives in Arizona and we live in Florida. Add in hotels, food, time off work, etc.

Anyway, I hugged her mom before we went in. From the first moment I met her mom, I knew this was a woman who was torn apart inside. Her heart was broken. I held my composure all along until I came face-to-face with her mother. As a mother, I can't begin to understand what it feels like to know your child has caused the death of someone else's child.

Chrissie came in wearing an orange-striped jumpsuit and she was shackled. She was shackled the entire time. I can't imagine how humiliating that was for her. In front of her parents, her grandparents, her boyfriend, her boss. That would be enough of a deterrent for me to never do it again if I were her. People can't understand when I say I have compassion for her. It's hard to explain. I just kept looking at her yesterday thinking, "She is in shock right now. She must be thinking how did this happen to her?" I wished and prayed to God that it wouldn't have been her. It's too hard to hate her. I wished instead she was some type of psychopathic monster so it would be easy to go through with court and sentencing. It was so hard to watch this girl who had such a great life, who was so smart and had such a promising future and a family who loved her, ruin her life. I just didn't want it for her.

Mom gave her statement first, then Dad, then me. It was so hard. As soon as I got in front of the judge, panic washed over me. I couldn't stop shaking. I was choking back the tears. It was overwhelming, to say the least.

Then it was the defense's turn. Her boss spoke, one of her college professor's spoke, her psychologist and then her mom. That was the hardest to sit through was her mom's statement.

Chrissie had the chance to speak. I felt everything she said was sincere and honest and I truly believe she will never do anything like this again. I truly believe she will follow through on her word to go out and make a difference in the lives of young people and I can't wait to see it happen.

We found out she had cut her hair and donated it to Locks of Love in Stephen's name. She planted a tree outside her bedroom window to remember him. She has done counseling and gone to town hall meetings about drunk driving. She has started herself on the path to redemption.

The judge stepped out to deliberate with the attorneys. My mom started to panic and cry. She said, "I don't think she needs to go to prison. She's not a monster. Should I say something?" I didn't want her to go away for long either. My dad said, "We have to trust that God will tell that to the judge and he'll listen." I must admit though, right before the judge came in, I bowed my head and prayed to God quickly, "God, please don't give her a long time in prison. Please."

The judge came in. He started to make his ruling. He started out and said, "I sentence you to 15 years--" and I felt like I got punched in the stomach. I hung my head, cried and shook my head. That's not what we wanted, nor expected. Then he continued on with the rest of it..."suspended upon the following conditions..."

And they were:

* 1 year in prison
* 3 years house arrest
* 300 hours community service with MADD, talking to young people
* $10,000 fines/court costs
* $1,850 paid back to my dad for Stephen's funeral expenses

If she messes up in those 4 years, she will serve the remainder of the 15 years in prison.

Also, with the house arrest:

* She may not leave Greenville, SC for 3 years
* She has to pay $8.00 per day for the ankle monitoring equipment (Approximately $240 per month)
* She can only go to the doctor, school, work, church, attorney's office

We are pleased with the sentence. We feel it is balanced and fair and the judge made a good decision. He feels she has the potential to do great things and to change lives, and that's what Stephen would have wanted.

Thank you everyone who has stuck by my family and followed this case from day 1. You don't know how much we appreciate you.

And to Chrissie's family, if you're reading this, we pray for you all the time. There's not a day that goes by that we don't think of you or of Chrissie. We constantly think about what life must be like in your shoes and wouldn't wish any of this on anyone. We don't hate Chrissie. We are sorry for her and we hope she makes good on her promise to us.

To Chrissie's psychologist:

I have decided to, once again, make my blog public. Because we were going to court, I decided to make it private so that the defense would not have any "ammo" against me if we went to trial.

Chrissie Clark's psychologist pointed out in court yesterday that both she and Chrissie spent some time reading my blog until they were no longer able to do so. I hope she will try to read it again. I need to address something she said in her statement:

Back on 12/3/07, I posted a blog here.

I openly stated that Stephen's blood alcohol content was .05, so he had in fact consumed alcohol that night. We were all aware he had done so. Her psychologist in court said "two young people made bad decisions that night." She made us look like hypocrites talking about how Chrissie chose to drink and drive when Stephen did the same thing. I disagree with this wholeheartedly. Here is how the 2 differ:

Chrissie was a underage, and the limit for a MINOR for intoxocation legally is .02. Her blood alcohol (1 hour after the wreck) content was .227. That is 11 times the legal limit for a MINOR. She wasn't having a couple drinks. She was getting wasted. She was at the limit that most people need to seek medical attention. The fact that she was even able to have the hand-eye coordination to get the key into the ignition boggles my mind!

Now, Stephen was a responsible adult. He was on a date and had a couple of drinks at DINNER, where he ate a MEAL, 4 hours before getting onto his motorcycle. For the next 3 hours he drank nothing but water. Even the medical examiner told us "it was 0.05, but don't worry, that's nothing. He was not intoxicated." He was below the legal limit of intoxication. That's why the limit is 0.08. I know that if Stephen was as impaired as Chrissie was, he never would have gotten on his motorcycle that night, and his date wouldn't have ever let him leave either.

These are two VERY DIFFERENT scenarios. Stephen was not on trial yesterday, and frankly, neither was Chrissie. She had already said she did it. There was no reason to even bring it up. But we all knew about it. And everyone in the courtroom who mattered knows the limits of the law and knew who was at fault.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Heading to court, finally

So it stuck this time. No more waiting...


On Monday, we're heading to South Carolina for the sentencing hearing. Mom, me, Bill, Trey, Dad and Linda will be heading to Abbeville, SC. The reason we have to go to Abbeville is because the judge is based there. He is a traveling judge and just so happened to be in Greenville when he heard our case.


The hearing is scheduled for 2pm on Tuesday, June 9th. If you'd like to come, you're more than welcome. Also, I am posting Chrissie's mugshot below.



Monday, May 11, 2009

A court date...hopefully this one will stick.

We received word today from South Carolina.

Chrissie will be going in to plead GUILTY on Tuesday, May 26th (2 weeks from now). Sentencing should follow at least a month after.

That's all I have now, but will let you know when I know more.

Nicole

Friday, April 24, 2009

Look what just happened on my street...

So, I'm sitting in the house about 5:30 and I hear a helicopter that sounds like it's right over my house. I looked out my back window and it's sitting across the fence in my backyard and they were life-flighting someone. So I ran out the front door and saw yellow tape at the end of my street, 3 doors down. I see a car sitting half in my street, half in the highway. And there's police, tow trucks, fire trucks, etc.

I start walking down there fast to make sure it wasn't Bill or his sister and I saw a motorcycle laying there in the road and spray paint markings all over the street. It stopped me in my tracks and I started to cry. I was thinking about Stephen and that this must be what his accident scene was like. Cars driving by slowly to look. Cops marking the body and the vehicles on the road. People standing by watching it all. I felt very sad for the family.

I don't know what happened to the man. I'll have to wait until the paper comes out tomorrow.

Here are some pictures I took, and they look very similar to Stephen's.

CLICK TO ENLARGE

The ambulance in my backyard



What I saw when I walked up



The bike getting moved to the tow truck



The car that pulled in front of the motorcycle

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Ahhh, Summer...beautiful time for a court date

Looks like Chrissie will be going in to plead on June 8th. This time she will be scheduled for first thing in the morning so there can't be any more half-day situations like last time.

We will probably be going up for sentencing or a trial in July or August. I'm hoping it will be during the summer so I won't have to miss any work.

I think this has dragged on long enough. It has been almost 20 months! I even feel bad for Chrissie and her family ONLY because her family can't move on with their lives either until she has served her time.

I am ready to get this part of my life over with. I'm ready to close this chapter and begin the healing process. Leaving this unresolved is like having an open sore for 2 years and then having salt rubbed into it every couple months. The waiting is horrible.

Can you believe some people!!??!!??

Man arrested for DWI hours after DWI sentencing
Fri Apr 17, 9:02 pm ET

DERIDDER, La. – A Texas man was arrested and booked with second-offense driving while intoxicated only hours after he left a court for sentencing for an earlier DWI conviction. The 31-year-old man was arrested by state police on Wednesday.
Hours before he was arrested, he'd been in 36th Judicial District Court in DeRidder being sentenced for first-offense DWI.

The man was being held in the jail without bond pending a hearing later this month.
___

Information from: Alexandria Daily Town Talk, http://www.thetowntalk.com/

Friday, April 3, 2009

It just goes on and on...

On Wednesday afternoon our family got a call from SC State Attorney that said Chrissie would be coming into court on Thursday to enter a plea and be taken into custody to be held until her court date. She could do 1 of 2 things:

1. Plead guilty, be taken to jail and wait for her sentencing, sometime in June, when we could be there, OR
2. Plead not guilty, be taken to jail and wait for a trial to begin, sometime in June, when we could be there.

Of course, Thursday came, and the judge had a family emergency and couldn't stay all day. She could not be reached to come in early. I'm sure she was just taking some last-minute family time with no interruptions before she turned herself in. I know this was completely out of her hands and not her fault, but it's just ridiculous how many extensions this girl keeps getting. It seems like we're never going to make it to the inside of a courtroom.

It will most likely be another month before we can get her before a judge. So we just wait...

Thanks for your support and for all your prayers. They mean so much. I will let you know as soon as I know something more.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Things didn't go the way we'd hoped

I can't really elaborate except to say that when we went to court on Nov. 11, we never made it to the court room. We will be going to trial, and I will be testifying. I don't know when court will be, and I don't know how long it will run, but as soon as I know something, I will let everyone know.

I had to make my blog invitation-only so that the defense could not use anything I say in court.

Nicole

New ignition lock laws aim to foil drunk drivers

By MICHAEL TARM, Associated Press Writer Michael Tarm, Associated Press Writer – 1 hr 44 mins ago


AP – An undated photo provided by Irving, Texas-based Smart Start, Inc., shows the company's Smart Start 20/20 …


CHICAGO – Motorists convicted of driving drunk will have to install breath-monitoring gadgets in their cars under new laws taking effect in six states this week.

The ignition interlocks prevent engines from starting until drivers blow into the alcohol detectors to prove they're sober.
Alaska, Colorado, Illinois, Nebraska and Washington state began Jan. 1 requiring the devices for all motorists convicted of first-time drunken driving. South Carolina began requiring them for repeat offenders.
Mothers Against Drunk Driving has been conducting a nationwide campaign to mandate ignition locks for anyone convicted of drunken driving, claiming doing so would save thousands of lives. But critics say interlocks could lead to measures that restrict alcohol policies too much.
Users must pay for the fist-sized devices, which in Illinois cost around $80 to install on dashboards and $80 a month to rent; there's also a $30 monthly state fee. And they require periodic retesting while the car is running.
"It's amazingly inconvenient," said David Malham, of the Illinois chapter of MADD. "But the flip side of the inconvenience is death."
Other states with similar laws include New Mexico, Arizona and Louisiana. Most other states give judges the option of forcing convicted drunk drivers to use the devices. In practice though, they are rarely ordered unless laws mandate them, according to MADD.
Until now, that's been true in Illinois, said MADD national CEO Chuck Hurley.
"Illinois has excellent law enforcement," he said. "But the judicial system leaks like a sieve. This law will change the catch and release system to one where people are at least caught and tagged."
In Illinois, the interlocks are mandated only for the five to 11 months licenses are suspended with a first DUI. Drivers can opt not to install them, but then would be banned from driving during the suspension period.
Motorists in Colorado get a similar choice — install the devices or get a longer suspension.
The law taking effect in Washington state actually relaxes penalties on drunk drivers, allowing them to avoid a previously mandatory license suspension by getting an interlock. The bill's author, Rep. Roger Goodman, said too many motorists were driving with suspended licenses.
Motorists could try to skirt the devices by, say, having someone else blow into the detector or driving someone else's car. But if caught trying to circumvent the interlocks, they could go to jail.
Within a year, up to 30,000 first-time offenders in Illinois could be using them, state officials estimate.
New Mexico was the first state to mandate the devices in 2005. Since then, according to MADD, that state has seen its drunk-driving deaths fall 20 percent.
Hurley said other states could see the same percentage decline within a few years.
DUI deaths nationally have plummeted to around 15,000 from around 30,000 annually in the early 1980s.
Malham, who supports the technology, said in the future even more advanced technology will enable cars to effectively sniff car cabins, scan faces and eyes of drivers or even test sweat on steering wheels to assess sobriety before engines start.
Not everyone is as enthusiastic.
One of the staunchest critics of interlock laws for first-time offenders is the Washington-based American Beverage Institute, a trade association representing restaurants and retailers.
ABI managing director Sarah Longwell said the group backs interlock laws targeting repeat offenders and those arrested with high blood-alcohol levels.
But she said laws advocated by MADD don't allow judges to distinguish between those who have a few drinks and go just over the 0.08 blood-alcohol legal limit and those who go way over.
"We want sensible alcohol policies," she said. "We want 10 people to be able to come in and have one drink and not one person to come in and have 10."
She said current interlock laws could lead to more draconian measures.
"We foresee is a country in which you're no longer able to have a glass of wine, drink a beer at a ball game or enjoy a champagne toast at a wedding," she said. "There will be a de facto zero tolerance policy imposed on people by their cars."
She argued that MADD puts too much emphasis on links between alcohol and traffic deaths, giving too little regard to the roles excessive speed and driver cell-phone use in deadly accidents.
Proponents of interlock laws say studies back their approach. They cite a 2008 study by the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation that found interlock devices in New Mexico helped decrease repeat offenses by approximately two-thirds.
MADD also points to figures showing one-third of all drunk drivers have a prior DUI conviction.
The American Beverage Institute questions studies cited by advocates, saying they other factors, like education programs, also account for the declines.
Malham concedes Illinois' new law isn't perfect. For one, it only applies to drivers during relatively short license-suspension periods.
"But perfection can't be the enemy of the good, to quote (18th century philosopher) Voltaire," he said. "I'd like to see more teeth in the law in the future. But this is a start."
___

Saturday, November 8, 2008

The time has come...

On Monday, my family will be making the long drive to South Carolina to attend the acceptance-of-plea and sentencing of the young lady who killed my brother. We have waited so long for this day to come. We have had so many disappointments over the last 14 months. Just playing a waiting game, having deadlines extended, offer changes, more extensions, all in her favor. It hardly seems fair that she has had 14 months of freedom AND retained her DRIVER'S LICENSE. What kind of lesson does that teach other potential drunk drivers?

We are praying for some justice to be served on Tuesday. We will be speaking out in court, as that is our right. We have a Victims' Rights attorney on our side, who will be there. Our rights have been violated and that's just one side to this story. There are so many facets, but I will not talk about them until court has adjourned.

This is the second time my parents have had to pay airfare and travel expenses to come to South Carolina for this case. I am just hoping and praying that when we get there, things will be a done deal, and the person at fault in this case will not twist the knife any deeper by dragging things out. Enough is enough. We have suffered enough.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Readers' Comments

I guess I should have known this day would come. In the society we live in, I should have expected someone to read my blog and be offended in some way. I guess hurt feelings trump sudden loss and devastation.

I posted
THIS blog a while ago. Please read it before you read any further into this post.

Today, I received this comment from a reader:

themax11@earthlink.net has left a new comment on your post "This hits really close to home.":

I am sorry for your loss. It was tragic and certainly unnecessary. Even though I have 6 brothers and sisters I for one do not have a first hand knowledge of how you feel. At the age of 16 my best friend's brother (who was like a brother to me) was killed by a drunk driver on the grand central prkwy. But you are a hypocrite when complain how Aaron Adler is smiling in his picture, well so are you. You seem to be gloating, which is evidence of a vindetta. Your blog smells of vengence instead of understanding. I personally am not a drinker and do not drink and drive. These bad actors need to do time. However, the only thing that helps is education. Otherwise, your blog does nothing except give you the forum to vent, but you will never have closure until you begin to heal. The kid smiles just like you do because although stupid he is still a kid who did a stupid selfish act that I am sure occurred before the dui. Now, nobody is smiling.

Posted by themax11@earthlink.net to How to deal with the sudden death of a sibling at October 5, 2008 10:43 AM

This was my response:

I only commented on Aaron's expression because he is smiling in his MUGSHOT taken right after he killed 2 people. That certainly is different than me smiling in a picture taken before my brother died. And I can't believe you can compare the 2. What do you mean I am "gloating"? That implies I am bragging or boasting about something. What do I have to brag about?

My blog is my journal. I am VENTING. I do use it for venting. It's my form of getting what I feel out, instead of keeping it all bottled up inside. My blog is for others who are going through what I'm going through, to see that what they're feeling is a totally natural part of the grieving process. And since you say the only thing that helps is education, let me give you a quick lesson...
The grieving process is made up of 5 steps, which are as follows:

1. Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.

2. Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.

3. Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"

4. Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.

5. Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.


Since you don't know me, I guess I need to tell you that for the last year, I skipped over #2 while I went through the other steps. Dealing with the legal aspect of my brother's death and having the defendant drag it out hoping to wear us down caused me to become angry and go through #2. I felt sorry for the girl. I really did. I didn't want her to go to prison. But now I do. Now that she and her family are fighting dirty.

You don't know me. My blog is MY blog. I can do with it what I choose. My brother has only been gone 13 months and I am still devastated. I am no where near being "healed."

And you said my "blog smells of vengeance instead of understanding." What am I supposed to understand in this situation? That people who have been told repeatedly in their lifetime to NOT drink and drive, did it and took away people who meant the world to other people. Drinking and driving is NOT a mistake. It's murder. A car is one of the biggest weapons there is when there's a drunk or impaired driver behind the wheel.

I am no hypocrite. I have never in my life been a drunk driver.

You shouldn't have e-mailed me. Unless it made you feel better somehow to attack someone who is grieving.

I have spoken to members of Aaron Adler's family and they are fine with what I have posted on my blog. They understand that people need to see what happens when people drink and drive. I provide a brutally honest viewpoint of what happens when drunk drivers take loved ones away forever.

Nicole DiPatri Sheldon


So, I guess I need to use my blog to educate people as well, so here's some more information on the Stages of Grief:

Grief And Stress
During grief, it is common to have many conflicting feelings. Sorrow, anger, loneliness, sadness, shame, anxiety, and guilt often accompany serious losses. Having so many strong feelings can be very stressful.

Yet denying the feelings, and failing to work through the five stages of grief, is harder on the body and mind than going through them. When people suggest "looking on the bright side," or other ways of cutting off difficult feelings, the grieving person may feel pressured to hide or deny these emotions. Then it will take longer for healing to take place.

Recovering From Grief
Grieving and its stresses pass more quickly, with good self-care habits. It helps to have a close circle of family or friends. It also helps to eat a balanced diet, drink enough non-alcoholic fluids, get exercise and rest.

Most people are unprepared for grief, since so often, tragedy strikes suddenly, without warning. If good self-care habits are always practiced, it helps the person to deal with the pain and shock of loss until acceptance is reached.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Justice for Stephen

There has been a development in Stephen's case. I can't post it here for fear that the defendant will read it. If you are mine or Stephen's friend on myspace, I have posted a blog on our pages that are private to anyone but our friends. I will give you the links below. If you would like to read it, send me a friend request, and if I know you or know of you, I will add you. I can't add strangers because I don't know who could be a "spy" for the defendant.

What I can tell you is that my family is "fighting mad" about the deal that was made. We will speak in court and express our dissatisfaction. We are angry and hurt and devastated. We will fight this.

Nicole's myspace:
www.myspace.com/nicole_dipatri_sheldon

Stephen's myspace:
www.myspace.com/stevielee600

I don't know the date and time of the trial yet, but when I do, I will let you know.

You can also email me at lcmom01@yahoo.com if you want to know what happened, if you don't have myspace.

Nicole

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Today's the day

I've felt my mood getting more and more depressed over the last few days. I have dreaded today. I knew it was coming and I tried to work around it.

Today is the last day 1 year ago, I was at peace. I could go to bed easily at night. I didn't have to throw myself into obligation after obligation just to keep my mind busy. I could close my eyes without seeing terrible images in my head. I could go a day without obsessing about Stephen.

One year ago today, I lost my brother. One year ago tonight was the night I went to bed and woke up with my life forever changed.

On September 5, 2007, I talked to Stephen on the phone. He had sent me this hilarious video of himself trying to jump on the wall, and I still couldn't stop laughing. We talked for a bit on the phone then said goodbye. On September 6, 2007, Stephen went to Greenville, SC, 45 minutes away from Brevard, to have dinner with Jamie, his first love whom he hadn't seen in 10 years. He was ecstatic!

They had dinner, they reminisced. They spent about 6 hours together, and Jamie told me it was the best time. They had a great time. I know when Stephen left, he was so elated. On Cloud 9. Jamie and Stephen made plans to get together again the next night: Friday.

Stephen left the restaurant Wild Wings Cafe in Greenville, SC and headed down Hwy 276 to go back to Brevard. About 15 minutes into his ride, a drunk driver pulled out in front of him and killed him. That was 11:55pm on September 6, 2007. Since help didn't arrive until after midnight, he was actually pronounced dead at 12:05am on September 7, 2007.

Back at home, I went to bed at 11:37pm. You don't forget any little detail when something like this happens. At 1:45am, my mom called with the news. She didn't believe it. She thought it was a prank. She just said, so mater-of-factly, "Stephen's dead." And she said it as if she had said, "Stephen got fired" or "Stephen broke his arm." Like with a hint of anger or sarcasm, as if to say, "Hey, do you believe this?!"

I screamed. I felt the wind knocked out of me, and out came this primal growl/sob from the inner core of my body. I've never heard a sound like that before, but believe me, I hear it everyday in my head. I spent the next 10 minutes or so calling around to find out if it was true. Law Enforcement, hospitals, etc. Finally, it was time to break it to my mom.

We headed over and called an ambulance to assist. My mom had a heart attack a few years back and I needed help there in case this caused another one. The medical examiner rolled Stephen over and said he had a Chinese-character tattoo on his back, and we knew it was him, and it was true.

Not long after, the organ harvesters called to do an interview with mom. And I had to call my dad. I told Linda, I think. My call to Dad is still a little fuzzy in my mind.

My husband Bill called my best friend Stephanie, who is like another daughter to my mom. She came right over and cried with us and held us.

The rest of the story is still going on. We've dealt with things we've never dealt with. Funeral arrangements, cremation, lawyers, police, MADD, roadside memorials, and more.

We're still awaiting justice for Stephen, one-year later. It's not going our way right now. It seems the criminal has more rights. Do you know that her attorney thought the original plea offer of 12 years was "too harsh" that he actually called our attorney and requested my family speak to the DA to get him to lower the offer? What kind of a person does that? I think Stephen dying was "too harsh." Do they think they can make a call and undo it? Now the DA has lowered his offer and they got another extension. This makes deadline #3.

I think it's time for her to just grow up. She did a grown-up thing. She drank UNDERAGE. She took a life. She told me TO MY FACE she would take her punishment and do the time, but now that it comes down to it, she's dragging it out. She's hurting my family even more than she already has. Why can't this chapter of our life be over already. We've waited a year to see this girl go to prison for what she did. All this year, she's had her driver's license. She's been a "free" woman. She got Christmas with her family, New Year's with her family, and most recently, her 21st birthday with her family. Know what we were doing for Stephen's 25th birthday this year? Writing messages on damn balloons and sending them to heaven. That's what.

I am so angry. Just take the deal. Get it over with. Don't drag it out. We didn't hate her, but now we do. Now we are so angry. She's a murderer and she's getting away with it. Sure she'll have the FELON stamp on her for life, but she's getting off as far as prison time goes. She'll serve some time, but not nearly enough in my book.

I haven't been angry for about 7 months, but now it's eating me up. I won't be at ease until Stephen gets some justice.
























Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Almost to the 1-year mark

It's so hard to believe that in just 18 days, my brother will have been dead an entire year. So much has happened in the last year, yet it doesn't feel like we've gone a year without him. I remember so clearly everything that happened when he died and the days following. I can still hear the sound of my scream when I got the news. I can still see the smile on his face and his open eyes when we saw him in the morgue. I can still hear my mom when she said, "Stephen's dead." Every detail is so vivid and ingrained in my brain, that I don't think it will ever go away.

A friend of mine lost her sister over the weekend suddenly and I lost it. I didn't even know the person who died. I was crying for my friend. When you lose a sibling that suddenly, with no warning or preparation, it hurts so bad. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of Stephen. My heart hurts. Even sitting here thinking about my friend and knowing the pain she's going through right now, makes me cry to know that someone else has to feel what I'm feeling. I don't wish this heartache on anyone.

For the last year, my mind has been consumed by Stephen. I didn't even think about him this much when he was alive. Everything I see reminds me of him. Songs I hear, clothes in the store that he would have worn, movies he would have liked, phrases my kids say that he would have laughed at and used over and over. All of it reminds me of Stephen and makes me miss him so much.

I have good days often. Great days, even. But days like Monday, when I heard about my friend's loss, I couldn't take it. I had to pull over into a parking lot to cry. With my kids in the car. Watching me. Listening to me sob. I hate that they have to see me like that, but I couldn't help it. I usually can walk into another room and lose it there, but I had just picked them up from school. I calmed down, took them home, then sat in the driveway and finished my sobbing. I don't cry much anymore, but the days that I do, I have to just get it out, and then I can go about my day.

Some money from Stephen's settlement from the accident bought my kids one-year passes to Sea World. We all went on Sunday and the whole experience was amazing. The looks on my kids faces and how excited they were, I knew we made a wise choice to use some of the money on that. We told them it was from Uncle Steve.

While walking through Sea World, my mom said, "I wish Stephen could have come here with us." That was the first time she had mentioned him that day. Right after she said that, we almost bumped into a man standing in the middle of the pathway. He was wearing a Michael Vick #7 shirt, Stephen's favorite football player. The next corner we turned, there was the Jimmie Johnson Lowes/Sea World race car, Stephen's favorite Nascar driver. The next turn we made, I turned around to make sure I had all the kids, and walking behind us was a man in a Fox Racing t-shirt, which Stephen loved. Three SIGNS, all within 3 minutes. Three messages that Stephen WAS with us that day.

Stephen, I love you. I miss you. I see so much of you in my boys, and I'm glad to see it. I hope you're happy where you are. I hope you can see us, hear us, and know for certain our love for you, if you ever doubted it before. I hope you can see how Dad feels for you too. And Linda. This pain won't ever go away. The disbelief it even happened will probably always still be there too. We've had a Christmas without you, a new year without you and your 25th birthday has passed. In 18 days, you'll have been gone a year. It's hard to believe, but we know it's true. We love you so and miss you every day, all the time. Your story is powerful and has the chance to save lives, I never miss a chance to share it. I love you. ~~Nicole

Pics of the kids from Sea World:

Jake posing in our family picture (He's so much like his uncle)



Jake in awe at the fish in the tank overhead. His expression was so worth the trip.



Jake smiling at my mom



Had to peel Jake away from this tank!



The boys with the Jimmie Johnson car



Our family in the Shark Tank



Our family with Mom



Kinsey and Jake standing on an aquarium



Kinsey and Jake watching the free divers



Trey playing in the water, getting cooled off

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Results from the Traffic Checkpoint

I received an email from the Captain of the Highway Patrol here in Florida with the results from the Traffic Checkpoint I participated in. They are as follows:

From the hours of 10:00pm to 2:00am, approximately 840 cars came through the checkpoint. Of those, the following enforcement action was taken:

* 4 persons arrested for Driving Under the Influence
* 7 persons were charged with Driving While License Suspended
* 1 person was charged with No Valid Driver’s License
* 3 persons were charged with Operating a vehicle with unsafe equipment
* 48 citations were issued for various traffic infractions
* 9 written warnings were issued
* 12 faulty equipment notices were issued

Total Citations: 63

Saturday, August 9, 2008

My first DUI Checkpoint

Last night I participated in my first DUI Checkpoint. It's pretty cool to go from being an everyday citizen, to being given the endorsement of the highway patrol and have the chance to be on the side of law enforcement during a DUI Checkpoint. I was there with at least 40 officers who were IDing drivers and checking registrations. They stopped every car heading west toward town. They sent them into a parking lot which had 2 intake lanes set up. There were about 4 officers in each lane, and it kind of looked like the pits at a race. They would ask for ID and registration. If the driver didn't have either one or seemed to be impaired, they had the driver pull off to the side to have officers check them out further.

Me and Captain Mike Burroughs (my mentor)



I got to watch people be arrested, undergo a field sobriety test, have their cars sniffed by K-9, and their cars be torn apart, seat-by-seat. It was really enlightening. One person who got stopped had been involved in a high-speed chase a few weeks earlier, then got stopped about a week ago, then got caught in the checkpoint. Needless to say, he got arrested. Two guys who got stopped had a scale and cocaine in a duffel bag in their car. They went to jail.

I had the opportunity to speak to 2 young men who had an open container of liquor in their car. I wore my pin with Stephen's picture on it, and I told them my story. They had asked why I was there so I jumped at the chance to tell them first-hand what drinking and driving will do to people's lives. They received a ticket for an open container and were let go.

I really think I've found my calling. I want to work with the Florida Highway Patrol as an advocate. I would go along on family notifications of deaths and accidents and council families on the proper steps to take afterward. I wouldn't be able to do it until the kids are a little older since I would have to be on call 24 hours a day.

Here are the pictures I took. I had to distort the civilians faces to protect their privacy.

(CLICK TO ENLARGE)