Readers' Comments

I guess I should have known this day would come. In the society we live in, I should have expected someone to read my blog and be offended in some way. I guess hurt feelings trump sudden loss and devastation.

I posted THIS blog a while ago. Please read it before you read any further into this post.

Today, I received this comment from a reader:

themax11@earthlink.net has left a new comment on your post "This hits really close to home.":

I am sorry for your loss. It was tragic and certainly unnecessary. Even though I have 6 brothers and sisters I for one do not have a first hand knowledge of how you feel. At the age of 16 my best friend's brother (who was like a brother to me) was killed by a drunk driver on the grand central prkwy. But you are a hypocrite when complain how Aaron Adler is smiling in his picture, well so are you. You seem to be gloating, which is evidence of a vindetta. Your blog smells of vengence instead of understanding. I personally am not a drinker and do not drink and drive. These bad actors need to do time. However, the only thing that helps is education. Otherwise, your blog does nothing except give you the forum to vent, but you will never have closure until you begin to heal. The kid smiles just like you do because although stupid he is still a kid who did a stupid selfish act that I am sure occurred before the dui. Now, nobody is smiling.

Posted by themax11@earthlink.net to How to deal with the sudden death of a sibling at October 5, 2008 10:43 AM

This was my response:

I only commented on Aaron's expression because he is smiling in his MUGSHOT taken right after he killed 2 people. That certainly is different than me smiling in a picture taken before my brother died. And I can't believe you can compare the 2. What do you mean I am "gloating"? That implies I am bragging or boasting about something. What do I have to brag about?

My blog is my journal. I am VENTING. I do use it for venting. It's my form of getting what I feel out, instead of keeping it all bottled up inside. My blog is for others who are going through what I'm going through, to see that what they're feeling is a totally natural part of the grieving process. And since you say the only thing that helps is education, let me give you a quick lesson...
The grieving process is made up of 5 steps, which are as follows:

1. Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.

2. Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.

3. Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"

4. Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.

5. Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

Since you don't know me, I guess I need to tell you that for the last year, I skipped over #2 while I went through the other steps. Dealing with the legal aspect of my brother's death and having the defendant drag it out hoping to wear us down caused me to become angry and go through #2. I felt sorry for the girl. I really did. I didn't want her to go to prison. But now I do. Now that she and her family are fighting dirty.

You don't know me. My blog is MY blog. I can do with it what I choose. My brother has only been gone 13 months and I am still devastated. I am no where near being "healed."

And you said my "blog smells of vengeance instead of understanding." What am I supposed to understand in this situation? That people who have been told repeatedly in their lifetime to NOT drink and drive, did it and took away people who meant the world to other people. Drinking and driving is NOT a mistake. It's murder. A car is one of the biggest weapons there is when there's a drunk or impaired driver behind the wheel.

I am no hypocrite. I have never in my life been a drunk driver.

You shouldn't have e-mailed me. Unless it made you feel better somehow to attack someone who is grieving.

I have spoken to members of Aaron Adler's family and they are fine with what I have posted on my blog. They understand that people need to see what happens when people drink and drive. I provide a brutally honest viewpoint of what happens when drunk drivers take loved ones away forever.

Nicole DiPatri Sheldon

So, I guess I need to use my blog to educate people as well, so here's some more information on the Stages of Grief:

Grief And Stress
During grief, it is common to have many conflicting feelings. Sorrow, anger, loneliness, sadness, shame, anxiety, and guilt often accompany serious losses. Having so many strong feelings can be very stressful.

Yet denying the feelings, and failing to work through the five stages of grief, is harder on the body and mind than going through them. When people suggest "looking on the bright side," or other ways of cutting off difficult feelings, the grieving person may feel pressured to hide or deny these emotions. Then it will take longer for healing to take place.

Recovering From Grief
Grieving and its stresses pass more quickly, with good self-care habits. It helps to have a close circle of family or friends. It also helps to eat a balanced diet, drink enough non-alcoholic fluids, get exercise and rest.

Most people are unprepared for grief, since so often, tragedy strikes suddenly, without warning. If good self-care habits are always practiced, it helps the person to deal with the pain and shock of loss until acceptance is reached.

Justice for Stephen

There has been a development in Stephen's case. I can't post it here for fear that the defendant will read it. If you are mine or Stephen's friend on myspace, I have posted a blog on our pages that are private to anyone but our friends. I will give you the links below. If you would like to read it, send me a friend request, and if I know you or know of you, I will add you. I can't add strangers because I don't know who could be a "spy" for the defendant.

What I can tell you is that my family is "fighting mad" about the deal that was made. We will speak in court and express our dissatisfaction. We are angry and hurt and devastated. We will fight this.

Nicole's myspace:
www.myspace.com/nicole_dipatri_sheldon

Stephen's myspace:
www.myspace.com/stevielee600

I don't know the date and time of the trial yet, but when I do, I will let you know.

You can also email me at lcmom01@yahoo.com if you want to know what happened, if you don't have myspace.

Nicole