Almost to the 1-year mark

It's so hard to believe that in just 18 days, my brother will have been dead an entire year. So much has happened in the last year, yet it doesn't feel like we've gone a year without him. I remember so clearly everything that happened when he died and the days following. I can still hear the sound of my scream when I got the news. I can still see the smile on his face and his open eyes when we saw him in the morgue. I can still hear my mom when she said, "Stephen's dead." Every detail is so vivid and ingrained in my brain, that I don't think it will ever go away.

A friend of mine lost her sister over the weekend suddenly and I lost it. I didn't even know the person who died. I was crying for my friend. When you lose a sibling that suddenly, with no warning or preparation, it hurts so bad. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of Stephen. My heart hurts. Even sitting here thinking about my friend and knowing the pain she's going through right now, makes me cry to know that someone else has to feel what I'm feeling. I don't wish this heartache on anyone.

For the last year, my mind has been consumed by Stephen. I didn't even think about him this much when he was alive. Everything I see reminds me of him. Songs I hear, clothes in the store that he would have worn, movies he would have liked, phrases my kids say that he would have laughed at and used over and over. All of it reminds me of Stephen and makes me miss him so much.

I have good days often. Great days, even. But days like Monday, when I heard about my friend's loss, I couldn't take it. I had to pull over into a parking lot to cry. With my kids in the car. Watching me. Listening to me sob. I hate that they have to see me like that, but I couldn't help it. I usually can walk into another room and lose it there, but I had just picked them up from school. I calmed down, took them home, then sat in the driveway and finished my sobbing. I don't cry much anymore, but the days that I do, I have to just get it out, and then I can go about my day.

Some money from Stephen's settlement from the accident bought my kids one-year passes to Sea World. We all went on Sunday and the whole experience was amazing. The looks on my kids faces and how excited they were, I knew we made a wise choice to use some of the money on that. We told them it was from Uncle Steve.

While walking through Sea World, my mom said, "I wish Stephen could have come here with us." That was the first time she had mentioned him that day. Right after she said that, we almost bumped into a man standing in the middle of the pathway. He was wearing a Michael Vick #7 shirt, Stephen's favorite football player. The next corner we turned, there was the Jimmie Johnson Lowes/Sea World race car, Stephen's favorite Nascar driver. The next turn we made, I turned around to make sure I had all the kids, and walking behind us was a man in a Fox Racing t-shirt, which Stephen loved. Three SIGNS, all within 3 minutes. Three messages that Stephen WAS with us that day.

Stephen, I love you. I miss you. I see so much of you in my boys, and I'm glad to see it. I hope you're happy where you are. I hope you can see us, hear us, and know for certain our love for you, if you ever doubted it before. I hope you can see how Dad feels for you too. And Linda. This pain won't ever go away. The disbelief it even happened will probably always still be there too. We've had a Christmas without you, a new year without you and your 25th birthday has passed. In 18 days, you'll have been gone a year. It's hard to believe, but we know it's true. We love you so and miss you every day, all the time. Your story is powerful and has the chance to save lives, I never miss a chance to share it. I love you. ~~Nicole

Pics of the kids from Sea World:

Jake posing in our family picture (He's so much like his uncle)



Jake in awe at the fish in the tank overhead. His expression was so worth the trip.



Jake smiling at my mom



Had to peel Jake away from this tank!



The boys with the Jimmie Johnson car



Our family in the Shark Tank



Our family with Mom



Kinsey and Jake standing on an aquarium



Kinsey and Jake watching the free divers



Trey playing in the water, getting cooled off

Results from the Traffic Checkpoint

I received an email from the Captain of the Highway Patrol here in Florida with the results from the Traffic Checkpoint I participated in. They are as follows:

From the hours of 10:00pm to 2:00am, approximately 840 cars came through the checkpoint. Of those, the following enforcement action was taken:

* 4 persons arrested for Driving Under the Influence
* 7 persons were charged with Driving While License Suspended
* 1 person was charged with No Valid Driver’s License
* 3 persons were charged with Operating a vehicle with unsafe equipment
* 48 citations were issued for various traffic infractions
* 9 written warnings were issued
* 12 faulty equipment notices were issued

Total Citations: 63

My first DUI Checkpoint

Last night I participated in my first DUI Checkpoint. It's pretty cool to go from being an everyday citizen, to being given the endorsement of the highway patrol and have the chance to be on the side of law enforcement during a DUI Checkpoint. I was there with at least 40 officers who were IDing drivers and checking registrations. They stopped every car heading west toward town. They sent them into a parking lot which had 2 intake lanes set up. There were about 4 officers in each lane, and it kind of looked like the pits at a race. They would ask for ID and registration. If the driver didn't have either one or seemed to be impaired, they had the driver pull off to the side to have officers check them out further.

Me and Captain Mike Burroughs (my mentor)



I got to watch people be arrested, undergo a field sobriety test, have their cars sniffed by K-9, and their cars be torn apart, seat-by-seat. It was really enlightening. One person who got stopped had been involved in a high-speed chase a few weeks earlier, then got stopped about a week ago, then got caught in the checkpoint. Needless to say, he got arrested. Two guys who got stopped had a scale and cocaine in a duffel bag in their car. They went to jail.

I had the opportunity to speak to 2 young men who had an open container of liquor in their car. I wore my pin with Stephen's picture on it, and I told them my story. They had asked why I was there so I jumped at the chance to tell them first-hand what drinking and driving will do to people's lives. They received a ticket for an open container and were let go.

I really think I've found my calling. I want to work with the Florida Highway Patrol as an advocate. I would go along on family notifications of deaths and accidents and council families on the proper steps to take afterward. I wouldn't be able to do it until the kids are a little older since I would have to be on call 24 hours a day.

Here are the pictures I took. I had to distort the civilians faces to protect their privacy.

(CLICK TO ENLARGE)

Stephen's last video

I have recently discovered a video of Stephen and my kids that I didn't know existed. It was at my grandmother's house. It's just us sitting around eating, and we always hated when my grandmother filmed us eating, but I am thrilled to have found it! I didn't have any video of Stephen playing with the kids so this means everything to me! I'm sorry for the poor quality. It's on VHS, so I took a video of the tv while it was playing.

I wanted to share this with those who loved Stephen and miss him every day. I know they'd want to just hear his voice again.

Stephen at the table talking to Makinsey



And the video of him playing with Jake

Look what I just found online

My step-mom Linda told me she found the mugshot of Chrissie (the girl who killed Stephen) online. When we got back, she showed it to me. This was an article that I hadn't seen yet. I'll paste it below (They had him named as Michael DiPatri. They left off his first name):

Marietta Accident Kills Florida Man
From: The Traveler's Rest Monitor

A Florida man was killed on Geer Highway last Thursday night after his motorcycle collided with a vehicle near North Forest Drive. By - Roger Jewell

A Florida man was killed in a traffic accident at Geer Highway and North Forest Circle in Marietta last Thursday at about 11:55 p.m.

[Stephen] Michael Dipatri, 24 of Lake City, Florida, died at the scene from neck and chest injuries according to the Greenville County Coroner’s Office. A Greenville woman, Barbara Clark, 20, was charged by the South Carolina Highway Patrol with felony DUI. She was placed in the Greenville County Detention Center on $25,000 bond.

Dipatri was wearing a helmet at the time of the accident. He had been visiting friends in Brevard, NC for the last few months.

Dipatri was traveling north on Highway 276 just north of Marietta when he ran into a Jeep driven by Clark. Authorities say Clark was at a stop sign at North Forest Circle and drove out into the highway to turn left when the motorcycle ran into her driver’s side door. The highway was closed for about an hour after the crash.


Barbara (Chrissie) Clark

I also have a picture of the damage done to her vehicle. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)



The impact was so great that when he hit her car, he broke the side mirror off and it landed in the passenger seat floorboard. His body went up onto the top of the windshield, and I believe his arm is what broke the windshield. We also found out that Stephen saw her pull out and tried to swerve behind her vehicle to avoid her. He was such a good rider and had such quick reflexes. He tried to save himself.