Losing a loved one is a full-time job

I just felt the need to post this because you hear all the time about people dying, but people don't realize what all losing a loved one entails. Dealing with it actually becomes a full-time job. Here's a very skeletal timeline of what we dealt with...

9/7/07

1:30am: We found out Stephen died by phone.

3:00am: An organ harvester called to do an interview with my mom about Stephen's medical, sexual, drug usage, and physical history.

5:00am: We bought plane tickets, showered, and packed.

10:00am: We got on a plane

3:00pm: We got a rental car and drove to the hospital

5:00pm: We talked with the medical examiner and viewed Stephen's body

9:00pm: We arrived at Stephen's friends' home and had a bite to eat and went through his room and made an appointment for the next day with the funeral home. We chose the outfit he would wear for his viewing.

9/8/07

11:00am: We met with the funeral home and made the arrangements. I wrote his obituary. We decided to have a viewing and a Celebration of Stephen's life and then have him cremated. We hope that's what he wanted, although we're fairly certain it is.

9/9/07

We met my dad in town and rode over to the funeral home together. This was the first time my dad, step-mother, youngest brother and step-sister had seen him dead. I went in first to make sure he looked the way we wanted. I didn't want him to look "made up," with lots of makeup.

We went to eat then came back for the service.

9/10/07

We came back home to Florida

A week later:

We hired a probate attorney in our town and got my mom named Stephen's legal representative. Since Stephen didn't have a will, we had to name someone his P.R. to make any decisions on his behalf.

She has to:

* file his taxes
* get his motorcycle paid off
* close any open accounts he may have had
etc

We also have to:

* follow up with investigators
* file a law-suit if they defendant doesn't return the paperwork on time
* follow up with the medical examiner's office to get toxicology results
* try to get his personal effects out of a motorcycle that is destroyed and in an impound lot
* follow up with the state's attorney about any court dates

We didn't even get the tox results for 3 months and that's because I tracked them down myself instead of waiting for someone to call me. I'd probably still be waiting to hear from someone now if I hadn't taken the initiative!

It is a lot of work and dealing with the legal system as well can be overwhelming and very intimidating.

It also can consume your mind and take up your entire day. Thinking about the accident a hundred times a day. Wondering about the offender, who they are, how they're feeling. Trying to stay busy so you won't think about it.

It's also a full-body physical reaction. Sometimes you can't breathe deeply. Sometimes you just want to cry, just to cry and get it out, so you can on with your day. Sometimes your stomach hurts so bad from not breathing, you just want to ball up and wrap up tight. Sometimes you can't even swallow, because you're paralyzed with emotions bigger than you've ever felt before.

For anyone going through this, I feel your pain. I am so quick to cry and feel sorry for anyone when I hear they've lost a loved one. I know what they're feeling and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. I am so sorry for anyone who has to go through this.