Mental problems

Stephen's death has given me something new to think about and worry about. Seeing first-hand how quickly a life can be taken, I am constantly paranoid and afraid that I'M GOING TO DIE. Mainly I'm afraid of dying in a car accident. Granted, I do drive a Ford Expedition, and probably would do more damage to whatever vehicle I hit than my own, I still have the fear of plunging into water or someone pulling out in front of me. Basically, I see myself having the same accident Stephen had, sans the motorcycle. I am afraid all the time. Stephen's death has made me so aware of my surroundings while I'm driving. I know I'm being careful. I'm not worried about my driving. I'm worried about all the idiots driving around me.

Not too long ago, Bill and I were driving and were mooned by the teenage driver of a car in the lane beside us. Yes, you read it correctly. The DRIVER mooned us while he was DRIVING. Putting his cruise control to good use, I'd say.

I'm constantly worried that I don't have a last will and testament. I'm worried I don't have life insurance. All things I could fix, just haven't found the time to do it. I would like to think I have plenty of time, but we all know that's not a given.

I have only discussed this with two people. But I feel that others who are going through this need to know they're not alone. It's a natural feeling. If anyone has gone through this and has a remedy, please let me know. I guess getting the insurance and will taken care of would be a huge relief.

But the thing that bothers me the most is dying and leaving my family behind. Leaving someone else to raise my children. And leaving my mother childless.