I haven't posted since February, soooo...almost a year. That's unreal. I started this blog so that I could journal my feelings and what I was going through after Stephen died. I wanted to do it online so that others who were going through the same things could read it and find comfort in knowing they weren't alone. Today I received a very nice comment from a woman named Lisa. It's nice to know that people are reading it and feeling like there's someone out there feeling the same things.
Surprisingly, I am doing ok. When Stephen died, I just knew we had to take it days at-a-time, then that turned into weeks, then into months, and then now it has been 4 years plus. I can't believe how long it has been and we have all "made it." There are times when I think, "This is getting old already. I just want to hear his voice." Or I am so aggravated that he's not here when he very well should be. I am even more annoyed that the offender has not tried to contact me. I want to know what she's doing to try and make up for his loss (although she never really could.)
There are times very often that I wish Stephen was here to do things with the kids. He would love to go watch Trey QB during a football game. He would have been so proud of Makinsey when she became Student Council Vice-President last year and made Honors Choir. He would have loved to go watch Jake play catcher during his All-Star Baseball tournament. My kids are missing out on an awesome uncle who would have cherished them and their accomplishments.
People don't think ahead to the future when they choose to drink and drive. They don't think about the ramifications of their selfish choices.
If you read this blog and it helps you, I am so glad. I love to hear people's comments. It makes me happy to know people have found it helpful.
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6 comments:
I have lost both of my brothers and my Dad. My youngest brother most recently, on January 13,2012. He was riding his motorcycle on his way home from work when an SUV turned left in front of him and sent him hurdling through the air and into a nearby backyard. The first responders had no idea where he was and it took them several minutes just to locate his body. My brother was an excellent rider for over 20 years and didn't deserve to die like this. He left behind a wife and four kids and of course my Mom and me. It feels horrible to know I will never see him again and that his death was so tragic. I'm still in disbelief! My older brother died ten years ago, almost to the day of my younger brothers death and in the same hospitaI! I don't even know how to console my Mom because all she has left is me. I'll never understand why my family was taken so young...
I am so sorry for your loss. Even though I have been through it, I don't have any words to console you. I am so saddened for all the loss you have experienced in your life, and with this loss of your youngest brother being so fresh in your life. Your youngest brother's death sounds a lot like how my brother died, being on a motorcycle and having an SUV pull out in front of him.
I have anxiety since my brother died (not as bad now as before) that I will die too and what that will do to my mother to have lost both her children. Do you feel that way too?
Has your mom tried a Grief Group? There's a Christian-based program called Grief Share that my mom has been attending for the last 4 years.
I am so glad you have nieces/nephews to love and have around to have a piece of your brother. My brother didn't have any kids, but the cool thing is my 12 year old son is almost exactly like him, which is like still having my brother around.
I appreciate you reading my blog. You can email me anytime if you need to talk. How did you happen to find my blog?
I am so sorry for your loss.
This blog is amazing, I so enjoyed reading it. It helps to read it and remember that we are not alone in our pain.
I too just recently lost my 19 year old sister in a car accident. She died on March 3rd, 2012 after losing control of her car during a horrible string of storms that came through our area. I too started a blog to have a place to fight the grief and hold tight to the memories I shared with her.
It is amazing to see the impact that siblings make in your life. My problem is that I didn't seem to realize that until it was too late.
http://thisischelseakiessling.blogspot.com/
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother in July in an accident. He was hit by someone texting her boyfriend. He was 30 and left behind a wife and 2 year old daughter. Since the accident I've been so preoccupied with making sure my parents are ok, I haven't really allowed myself to grieve. Thank you for taking the time to write this blog. It has given me the courage to admit to myself that I too lost someone and I need to allow myself to grieve.
Magee K, thank you for writing to me. I am so glad you found my blog. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. Were you his older or younger sister? I know what you mean about being preoccupied. I didn't slow down and take in what had happened for about 18 months. You will grieve in waves. I do. It has been 4 1/2 years and I just got to the point where I don't choke up every time I talk about him or what happened. But I miss him so much. Please keep in touch and if you ever need to talk, I'm here.
Nicole, I am sorry for your loose but thankful for your blog. I lost my brother, age 30, a little over two weeks ago due to a motorcycle accident. I felt an eerie connection as the day your brother Steve left your family was the day my brother joined ours 31 years ago.
This is so fresh, so raw, so crucial, so heart breaking, so not fair. I am learning how to grieve and I thank my brother for finding your blog. I am broken because my parents lost a son, my brother and husband lost their brother and best friend, I lost my " person", but mostly that my daughter's ( ages 4 & 17 mths) are going to loose out on not getting to know him, how he loved them, and how wonderful he was. I read your post about Jake, it made me cry all over again but it gave me hope that my older one may remember a thing or two about it. Though it is not enough and I never want to see her (neither one of course) in pain I do want her to have the one thing that the rest of us do have that can not be taken from is...... memories of my brother Kareem.
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