I haven't had many days like today...easily shaken, easy to start crying. Today was just "one of those days." I finally brought myself to go to the post office and mail some of Stephen's ashes to our dad. The other day, I told you about what it took to actually split them up into 2 boxes. Today I actually had to go to the post office with them, and leave without them. That was particularly hard. Almost as hard as leaving the funeral home and leaving him there. Walking out of that building was extremely hard.
When I got the box out of the car and walked into the Post Office, I caught myself hugging the box, sortof. I got in line. I got to the counter and I didn't have the box prepared for mailing at all. I didn't know the procedures for mailing cremated remains. You have to tape every seam with brown tape and then the postmaster stamps all over the tape so we can tell if there's any tampering. The lady at the counter just recently lost her brother and she felt really bad for me for what I was having to do. She apologized for having to keep turning the box on it's side. I told her it was okay...
And then...
I lost it. I broke down. I don't know why at that moment. I guess the fact that I'd be leaving the ashes behind when I left the post office finally hit me. I had to let a part of him go all over again. She got me a Kleenex. I could tell she felt really bad for me. She asked if there was anything else she could help me with. I hesitated for a second, not wanting to leave, and then said "No," and walked away, crying.
A man in a wheelchair, being pushed by his elderly father, saw me at the door and said, "Are you crying?" He was very concerned to see a lady crying. He was so polite. I told him what happened and what I had just done. He was very sensitive to that. I told him that I was doing public speaking now to try and save some lives. He said he'd love to come.
I have received a lot of encouragement from people in the community. I have the official endorsement of the Florida Highway Patrol. Some people can be so amazing, just when you least expect it.
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2 comments:
Your strength is amazing, Nicole. I am so proud of what you are doing for Stephen. He would want you to raise awareness. He'd probably put some funny spin on it...(you know Stephen)
I truly believe that you are following your heart with every step and that he would be proud of you. I know I am.
~Melissa
Talk about bringing tears to your eyes!! You have to be strong sweety... you know that and for the most part, you are doing a GREAT job so keep it up. Bringing awareness is something that should be done and I'm happy you're doing that... Stephen would love that and I'm sure he's smiling down on you every step of the way. Sorry you had to deal with the seperation of the ashes... I know that would be very hard. Keep up the wonderful work and know we still think about you all and keep you in our thoughts and prayers. God Bless!
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