We were riding in the car and the sun was behind the clouds. It kindof made the cloud look like it had a silver lining. I said, "That, to me, looks like Heaven." Trey said to Jake, "You know, where Uncle Steve lives now."
About a minute later, Jake says, "I like Heaven," then started to cry. You know, that slow cry where you see it in the face before you actually hear it. The eyes close, the head bows and the face wrinkles up, then the tears come.
I said, "What's the matter?" He said he missed Uncle Steve. It made me so sad because it was the first time since Stephen's been gone that I've actually seen Jake cry over it. Jake was only 2 (almost 3) when Stephen died and I was so afraid he would forget him. I always thought in my mind, Oh I hope he doesn't forget Stephen and how great an uncle he was and all the fun stuff they did together. But what I didn't realize was, with all the memories of the fun, comes sadness that it's gone. I never realized that three years later, my 5-year-old would still be grieving the loss of an uncle he hadn't seen in so long. I mean, it's only natural. I'm still grieving his loss, why wouldn't my child? I guess I figured he was too little to remember. But pain is pain, and loss is loss, no matter how old you are.
This is what I saw:
It is 21 days until Stephen's birthday. On July 31, he would be 27 years old. Robbed of his precious life at such a young age. In August, the drunk driver who took my brother's life will celebrate her 23rd birthday...with her family...in her home...with gifts and love. Something we'll never again get to do with Stephen. That hurts so much. And no amount of house arrest or community service or fines can erase that or give him back.
The 3-year anniversary is coming up on September 7th. And it doesn't feel like it's been that long. It sounds cliche, but it honestly does seem like it was "just yesterday." The pain isn't as severe, but the sadness is still fresh and I think it always will be.
2 comments:
Well said, Nicole. I cannot imagine the pain that you must still feel on a daily basis.
Nicole,
I had a friend who died six moths ago. She would now be 24. She was like I big sister to me because I'm only 15. She was always there for me. She even helped me get through it when one of my friends died when I was younger. She worked for my mom she was best friends with my older sister she babysitter me and my brother since we were 7 and she went on family vacations with us. She was my sister and for the first time I can't remember her voice or face. I'm sure you have had this feeling and you are confused. I justed wanted to share my story and say thank you because you made my day better and mr feel like I was not the only one going through this.
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