A sign from Stephen?

My dad sent a package to me and the kids with some gifts and some keepsakes of Stephen's. Dad sent me a MADD Ribbon magnet for my car. I put it on the back of my car and wanted to take a picture of it, and when I did, the sun was setting and it cast this beautiful light on the picture. The rays were shining down on the "In Memory" decal I have on my back window.


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It was like a sign from Stephen saying, "It's going to get better, the sun is shining, it's getting lighter in the darkness." He wants us to be happy and not so dark and gloomy anymore. I think this meeting we had with the defendant has really been a turning point in our lives. Our family has let go of the questions, the anxiety, the anger. We don't hate her. We aren't angry with her. If we carried that around with us all the time, what kind of lives would we lead? We have to forgive.

We met her...

It finally happened. Today, my family met with the girl who killed Stephen. She and her parents came (WITHOUT their lawyer, which was a huge shocker) to Lake City where mom and I live and we had Dad and Linda live on webcam via Skype.

First, I showed her the memorial slideshow I made for Stephen. About halfway through the video, it shows the accident, his funeral, his ashes, the roadside memorial, etc. She really sobbed during that part.

After she watched the video, I told her we had a list of questions we'd like answered. She was more than eager to oblige. The fact that they came without an attorney says a lot to me that she sincerely wants to do for us whatever we need.

I asked her questions about her life, about how it's changed, what she plans to do with her life, the order of events that night, did Stephen try to speak or move at all, and more. They also allowed us to video tape the meeting, which was really important to us.

She expressed that she wants to speak out about her actions and about drunk driving and underage alcohol use. My dad asked that if she really wants to help, maybe she could work closely with the ministry our family has built about educating people about alcohol use and abuse. I gave her the link to Stephen's website, and my email address.

It would be so much easier to be angry with her and hold a grudge if she were a monster. She's a very articulate, beautiful, smart young lady. In fact, the second we saw her, my mom said, "She looks like someone Stephen would have dated." She's doesn't have a history of criminal activity, she's a college student, she works, she's from a great family. Her parents are so nice and you can tell they love their daughter and are so sad this had to happen to anyone.

They hugged us before they left. Her mom kissed me on the cheek. She asked if she could keep in touch and I said she could email me. I am very curious to follow her as she grows and see if she keeps her promises she made to us today.

She admits she did wrong. She knows she's going to prison, and she's absolutely terrified. She told us that when the judge tells her she has to go to jail, she's not going to oppose it. She'll go and take her punishment because that's what she deserves.

I am so glad we met her. Now, I am able to finally say, without a doubt, that I forgive her, I don't hate her, I feel sorry for her, and I hate that her family is suffering, as ours is.

Thanks to everyone who said prayers for my family today. They definitely worked.

Memories

Little things make me think of Stephen. "E.T." came on TV the other day and the kids and I watched it. Stephen and I wore that movie out when we were kids. A song will come on the radio and I will instantly hear Stephen's voice singing the song terribly but humorously. Anyone who knew Stephen knows what I'm talking about. Boy couldn't sing a note, but loved doing it!

Yesterday, Bill and I took the kids out to lunch. We usually have a wait since there are 5 of us and we need a big table. While we were waiting, another large party came in and there was a teenage boy, maybe 17 years old. He was with a woman in her thirties who had 2 small children with her. The boy picked up the little girl, maybe a year old, and was throwing her in the air and playing with her. Then he got the little boy, who was maybe 3 years old, and said, "Oh, I had to pick up the heavy one, didn't I?" And he made this grunting sound and lifted the boy over his head and the boy giggled. Tears started to well up in my eyes. Seeing this young man playing with those 2 small kids made me realize that I'll never see Stephen play with my kids anymore. My kids will never have their amazingly awesome and fun uncle play with them again. In the car Bill mentioned the young man in the restaurant. He was thinking the same thing I was when he saw it happen too.

Every time I do dishes I remember the same memory of Stephen: When Stephen lived with me, I was washing dishes and he came in to offer to rinse for me. (Yes, it's true. I don't have a dishwasher.) Anyway, he was rinsing the silverware and I told him to point the steak knife point-down. Then I told him not to put the forks in upside down. He said, sarcastically, "Oh that makes sense. Put the sharp knives point-down, but leave the sharp forks point-up." I never realized that it didn't really make sense but he called me on it. Every single time I put silverware in the dish-drain, I hear him say, "Oh that makes sense..." And I smile.

Stephen may be gone, but we will always have the memories. Those will never leave us.

Stephen playing with the kids:


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Mother's Day

Mother's Day is tomorrow, and it's my mom's first without both her kids. My heart just breaks for her. I went over to her house today and took her gifts because I didn't know how she was going to be feeling tomorrow. She wants us all to go to lunch tomorrow, so apparently she's going to be okay. But I'm going to take it hour-by-hour and not plan too much, in case it gets to be too much for her. I have 1 more gift to give her in the morning when she picks Kinsey up for church.

For most of Stephen's life, I acted like a mommy to Stephen instead of his sister. When we were kids, he used to complain all the time that "Nicole's too bossy." Then when things got to hard for Stephen and he wanted a change, he moved in with Bill and me. He lived with us when Trey was born in 1999 and again when Jake was born in 2004. And I think, sometime again somewhere in between. I was feeding him and washing his clothes and cleaning up after him, and again, I felt like I was mothering him, when he really didn't need it. We have an awesome mom. But I just felt like I needed to take care of him. "Be home by such-and-such time," and "Be careful," I always told him. I always worried about him. I felt I needed to protect him because he didn't always make the best decisions. But I know he hated it. He felt I was being too bossy and nagging him too much. I just couldn't help it. I didn't want anything to happen to him. But in the end, I couldn't protect him.

I know the coroner said he died instantly, but the fire chief, who was the first-responder, said he had a faint pulse for about 2 minutes. I wonder, did he even have a chance to think, "Oh God! My mom. Don't do this to my mom." Did he have a chance to think, or did he really go instantly. Did he know it was happening, did he see it coming? Did he see the car and think, "Not again. You've gotta be kidding me!" (After all the wrecks he's been in, that were never his fault.) I just wish I could know his thoughts at the time of the accident. I will never know these things, so I wonder why God makes me think it all the time, if I'll never have an answer?

Well, I've rambled long enough...

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers who already have children and those who are becoming new mothers. Rejoice in your kids. Hug them all the time. Tell them you love them all the time. Enjoy them being kids and let them be kids. You never know how long you have.

Tomorrow is 8 months

I can't believe that tomorrow will be 8 months since Stephen died. I still have to remind myself frequently that he's really gone. My mom said the other day when we were talking: "Sometimes I just think 'Oh my God. His neck was broken. My baby's neck was actually broken.'" I feel so sad for my mom and dad. I know that it's sad for me to have lost my brother, but I can't imagine losing one of my kids. I can't even begin to imagine what that feels like.

My friend Kim, Griffen's big sister, sent me the following message after I called her upset last week, and it's so true that I wanted to pass it along here:

Grief does not proceed in a linear fashion. It circles. You feel better. You feel yourself heal. And then, wham!--you are back on your emotional knees. Still as the days pass, the circles widen. When grief returns again, it finds you stronger.

Griffen didn't get any justice in court today. The adult who provided him with alcohol only received 30 days (suspended sentence), 50 hours community service and a $257 fine. I can't believe he could basically buy his way out, while Griffen got the death penalty. If you haven't read about Griffen below, check out his website: GriffensGift.com.

There's still something big happening in 17 days. I haven't posted the details here because I don't want to jinx it, but as soon as it happens, I will give all the details, I promise.

It's been a sad week

Thursday morning, our town lost another young person. This time, it was 17-year-old Tyler Stamper. He was an athlete, very popular, a nice person who would go out of his way for anyone who needed him. I didn't know him personally, but my cousin and my sister-in-law were friends of his, and I know his grandmother. He lost control of his truck and crashed into the woods. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Word is he died instantly, but no one knows exactly what time the crash happened. A passerby saw his vehicle in the woods and called the authorities around 3:45am. This shook our town. His funeral was massive. People were walking in droves to the church because there wasn't enough parking. I was just at his school last month and I spoke to his class (the junior class). I don't know if he was there, but I feel so sad that this couldn't have been prevented.

I took my sister-in-law to the funeral and dropped her off. Just knowing what that family is feeling hurts my heart so much. I can't explain the feeling of losing someone suddenly. Talking to that person just hours before their death and then the next thing you know, you're picking out a casket. It's gut-wrenching. It hurts so bad, and my soul is aching for that family. I wish I could make it so that no family ever has to feel that feeling ever in their lifetime. I wish people didn't die without preparing for it and making peace first. I know it's hard to lose a loved one. Period. But I don't think it's as hard to deal with when you have months or weeks to prepare yourself and know that it's going to happen. You can say your goodbyes, find out everything you ever wanted to know, say everything you ever wanted to say. I think it's so much harder when you're sound asleep in your bed and you get the call in the middle of the night. You don't even have a chance to wake up yet before you hear the news. It took me 5 months to realize it really happened. 5 MONTHS!!! My brain wasn't ready for the shock it got.

I have no sense of time now. Some times, time just drags on. Other times, it goes so fast I don't even know where it went. Hours go by like minutes and other times, they go on like days. I can't believe it's been almost 8 months since Stephen died. Where did the time go? How did I make it this long without hearing his voice? I've messed up a couple times and tried to call him. I had to catch myself when my mom was in the hospital because I almost asked her if Stephen had called to check on her yet. Boy, would that have been bad.

I thought I was doing fine. I thought I had made a lot of progress, but the way I've been feeling yesterday and today, I CAN'T STAND IT. I don't believe it. I am so sad. I want him back. I want to see him. I want to hug him. I want to talk to him. I want to NOT cry. I miss him so much. I know I'll be better after I have a cry. Usually it lasts about a minute and then I can go about my day.

To the Stamper family: It does get easier. Eventually. Daily. I know right now, it feels like it's not happening, or that you can't make it. But you can. You will. You think, "What would Tyler expect of me? How would he want me to live my life?" And you live it that way. Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. There's no right or wrong way to grieve. You do it your own way. Whatever way works. If people don't call, don't take it as them not caring. Some people just don't know what to say. People are going to talk. People are going to speculate. Calmly and matter-of-factly, set them straight. Get the facts out there so people aren't tarnishing Tyler's legacy. Some people deal with it by talking about it ALL THE TIME (the way I do) and some people shy away from it all together. To each his own. I wish the Stamper family peace, sleep, busy minds so as not to think about his death all the time, love, happiness in the memories, cries, laughter, and fellowship. Please keep Tyler's (real) friends close and keep them part of your family. Keep up with them. Go to their weddings. Keep up with where life takes them. Those are things that Tyler would have done. Some of my brother's friends have become part of our family. We love them and are forever bonded by his loss.

If you've gotten this far, know that I've had to take a couple breaks, but it sure felt good to release some of what I've been feeling. I know I've got mascara running down my face. I hope the Stamper family doesn't mind me mentioning them.

Wishing I could hug him again...

How to deal...

I know this blog is called "How to deal with the sudden death of a sibling," but I haven't done much explaining how to deal with it.

What keeps me going is knowing that I have 3 kids I will miss out on if I just wallow in grief. I know my kids drive me crazy, but without them my life would be boring.

I have Trey, who's a black belt in Taekwondo. He'll be 9 in just 2 months. Two months! It's so hard to believe that he's going to be 9 years old. He's an A-B Honor Roll student and is really smart. He's so smart that most of the time, I forget that he's only 8 and I end up expecting too much from him.

Here he is in his Uncle Steve's Falcons jersey. It will be Trey's when he's big enough to wear it.



Here's Trey doing what he does best:



Then there's Makinsey. She's a full-time job as it is...I lead her Girl Scout Brownie Troop. I just took her to get her hair chopped off today and she looks like a little teenager!



And here's Kinsey and I working on a Girl Scout activity:



And then I have Jacob. My Jakey. He's a 3-year-old mess!!! Today, he insisted on eating with chopsticks! Look how he's holding them! He's so funny.



And he insists on dressing himself...remind you of anyone?



So, that's part of how I deal.

On a side note, our friend Jamie (who was with Stephen the night he died) visited Stephen's road-side cross and sent me a picture of how beautiful the flowers have gotten.

Racecar in Stephen's honor

My husband Bill started a racing team with his dad Billy and his Uncle Bobby. They gave it the number 83, in honor of the year Stephen was born, and put Stephen's initials (SMD) really big on the trunk. I know Stephen would love it if he was here. They're hoping the first race will be tomorrow night, if they can get it ready by then. I know Stephen will be there with them.

The racecar


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The name of the team (Sheldon is my husband's family, who loved Stephen dearly)



The year Stephen was born



The trunk with Stephen's initials (My father-in-law on the left and my husband Bill on the right)

7 months today...

Stephen, I can't believe it's been 7 months today. Where has the time gone? I've heard people say that to get through the pain, you're supposed to take it just 1 day at a time. That's what we've done. One day turns into one week, then into one month, and before we know it, it will have been one year. It's getting close. Your birthday is going to be especially hard. That's coming up pretty soon too. I really miss you so much. I know I'll see you again one day, but I wish I could just get a glimpse now. I love you. I miss you. Every day.

******************

Dad sent me a picture that reminded him of Stephen and he wanted me to post it on Stephen's website. Here's what he said:

"Nicole,

Whenever I tell somebody who did not know Stephen about him, I tell them he was a James Dean kind of guy. I found a good picture of James Dean. I thought you might want to put it on Stephen's myspace page."

Here's the picture:

Another message from Stephen

So dragonflies have kindof been my totem for Stephen. I saw them like crazy right after he died, and I rarely ever saw them in my life before he died. I always felt like every time I saw one after he died, it was like him telling me "I'm here with you."

I haven't seen one in a long time, but yesterday, I was at the pharmacy waiting for Jake's prescriptions. I usually just go through the drive-thru, but this time I had to buy some things over-the-counter as well, so I went in. I had a while to wait, so I started browsing the store and came across a rack of greeting cards. The first one that caught my eye was a birthday card. It was orange and had dragonflies on the front. The message it had on it wasn't a very "birthday" type message. It said, "Just for today, think of things that make you happy." I thought of Stephen and how sad we've been since he died. It's almost like he was telling us to "Take a break. Don't be so sad. Just for today, think of things that make you happy. For me."

Well, I did that. I came home, cut it down to a 5x7 and put it in a pretty frame.

And it made me happy.

Guess who I saw tonight???

Tonight, we had to run to the auto parts store and I was waiting in the car when I caught a glimpse of someone who looked familiar as they walked by the window inside. He stood in line, waiting to pay, and the more I looked at him, the more I realized how familiar he looked. He was basically Stephen's twin. Same nose, same ears, same hair, same manner of dress, same calf muscles. I couldn't believe my eyes. I wanted to run in and ask if I could give him a hug. But, he'd think I was psycho. The resemblance was just uncanny. I got my sister-in-law to take a couple pictures with my cell phone. What do think? Do you see the resemblance?





Here are some pics of Stephen to compare:

My first presentation!

I gave my first presentation today to the local high school juniors and seniors. It was part of the pre-prom talk that they get every year. I had Trooper Ortiz there from the Florida Highway Patrol. Bill and my mom were there for support. I had to do the presentation twice.

The trooper introduced the video I made of Stephen. I sat in the front row while the students watched it. There were definitely some laughs in the beginning, but when it got to the heartbeat part and pics of his funeral and his crash, I had their full attention.

Right after the video, I got up to speak. Right off the bat, I told them that they'd have to bear with me. This my first time ever speaking to a group about this and I was a little nervous. I didn't prepare a speech either. I just spoke from my heart and chatted with them. I wanted to show them that I'm a young person, like them, and not some hoity-toity person trying to lecture them.

Then I did my Powerpoint presentation about the effects of alcohol on the body and life: what penalites their parents face for giving them alcohol, and what penalites they face for drinking and then drinking and driving. I really felt I connected with them. For the seniors, we ran out of time, so I just quickly talked through the most important info from the Powerpoint, without showing it on the screen. I had the first 6 rows stand up, which was roughly 114 students. I told them that 114 is the number of teens ages 16-18 who were the drivers in crashes in 2006. Then I had all but the first two rows sit down, which was 31 kids left standing. I told them that 31 was the number of teens ages 16-18 who were the drinking drivers in all fatality crashes in 2006. I feel it was very effective.

I got some really positive feedback from some students who actually approached me when it was over. I also had some teachers come to me and thank me, saying, "Thank you, they really, really needed to hear that. I just wish more people would come speak about it." I guess talking about it isn't for everyone, but this is the best way I could deal with it and come to terms with it.

Later on, Amber from Project CATCh and I went on 106.5 FM to advertise the Town Hall Meeting in Fort White on March 27th. I think it went well. My journey is just beginning, but I think it'll be a rewarding one.

Something to wear when I speak

I made some buttons for people in my family to wear and for me to wear when we attend a presentation or any type of legal function. I think they turned out really nice.



I pinned one on Makinsey to see how it looks on and how big it will be.

Today was really hard

I haven't had many days like today...easily shaken, easy to start crying. Today was just "one of those days." I finally brought myself to go to the post office and mail some of Stephen's ashes to our dad. The other day, I told you about what it took to actually split them up into 2 boxes. Today I actually had to go to the post office with them, and leave without them. That was particularly hard. Almost as hard as leaving the funeral home and leaving him there. Walking out of that building was extremely hard.

When I got the box out of the car and walked into the Post Office, I caught myself hugging the box, sortof. I got in line. I got to the counter and I didn't have the box prepared for mailing at all. I didn't know the procedures for mailing cremated remains. You have to tape every seam with brown tape and then the postmaster stamps all over the tape so we can tell if there's any tampering. The lady at the counter just recently lost her brother and she felt really bad for me for what I was having to do. She apologized for having to keep turning the box on it's side. I told her it was okay...

And then...

I lost it. I broke down. I don't know why at that moment. I guess the fact that I'd be leaving the ashes behind when I left the post office finally hit me. I had to let a part of him go all over again. She got me a Kleenex. I could tell she felt really bad for me. She asked if there was anything else she could help me with. I hesitated for a second, not wanting to leave, and then said "No," and walked away, crying.

A man in a wheelchair, being pushed by his elderly father, saw me at the door and said, "Are you crying?" He was very concerned to see a lady crying. He was so polite. I told him what happened and what I had just done. He was very sensitive to that. I told him that I was doing public speaking now to try and save some lives. He said he'd love to come.

I have received a lot of encouragement from people in the community. I have the official endorsement of the Florida Highway Patrol. Some people can be so amazing, just when you least expect it.

Losing a loved one is a full-time job

I just felt the need to post this because you hear all the time about people dying, but people don't realize what all losing a loved one entails. Dealing with it actually becomes a full-time job. Here's a very skeletal timeline of what we dealt with...

9/7/07

1:30am: We found out Stephen died by phone.

3:00am: An organ harvester called to do an interview with my mom about Stephen's medical, sexual, drug usage, and physical history.

5:00am: We bought plane tickets, showered, and packed.

10:00am: We got on a plane

3:00pm: We got a rental car and drove to the hospital

5:00pm: We talked with the medical examiner and viewed Stephen's body

9:00pm: We arrived at Stephen's friends' home and had a bite to eat and went through his room and made an appointment for the next day with the funeral home. We chose the outfit he would wear for his viewing.

9/8/07

11:00am: We met with the funeral home and made the arrangements. I wrote his obituary. We decided to have a viewing and a Celebration of Stephen's life and then have him cremated. We hope that's what he wanted, although we're fairly certain it is.

9/9/07

We met my dad in town and rode over to the funeral home together. This was the first time my dad, step-mother, youngest brother and step-sister had seen him dead. I went in first to make sure he looked the way we wanted. I didn't want him to look "made up," with lots of makeup.

We went to eat then came back for the service.

9/10/07

We came back home to Florida

A week later:

We hired a probate attorney in our town and got my mom named Stephen's legal representative. Since Stephen didn't have a will, we had to name someone his P.R. to make any decisions on his behalf.

She has to:

* file his taxes
* get his motorcycle paid off
* close any open accounts he may have had
etc

We also have to:

* follow up with investigators
* file a law-suit if they defendant doesn't return the paperwork on time
* follow up with the medical examiner's office to get toxicology results
* try to get his personal effects out of a motorcycle that is destroyed and in an impound lot
* follow up with the state's attorney about any court dates

We didn't even get the tox results for 3 months and that's because I tracked them down myself instead of waiting for someone to call me. I'd probably still be waiting to hear from someone now if I hadn't taken the initiative!

It is a lot of work and dealing with the legal system as well can be overwhelming and very intimidating.

It also can consume your mind and take up your entire day. Thinking about the accident a hundred times a day. Wondering about the offender, who they are, how they're feeling. Trying to stay busy so you won't think about it.

It's also a full-body physical reaction. Sometimes you can't breathe deeply. Sometimes you just want to cry, just to cry and get it out, so you can on with your day. Sometimes your stomach hurts so bad from not breathing, you just want to ball up and wrap up tight. Sometimes you can't even swallow, because you're paralyzed with emotions bigger than you've ever felt before.

For anyone going through this, I feel your pain. I am so quick to cry and feel sorry for anyone when I hear they've lost a loved one. I know what they're feeling and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. I am so sorry for anyone who has to go through this.

I just wanted to share some pictures

Here are some pictures of Stephen.

The following two pictures were taken by friends of his in Arizona.





With his friends:



Doing what he loved:



At the Grand Canyon. He loved it there:

The 2nd hardest thing I've ever done

Yesterday, I faced the daunting task of separating Stephen's ashes into 2 separate containers, so that I could keep some and then send some to Dad. That was so hard to do. I really had to do some deep breathing and psych myself out to do it. I just had to get it over with. The whole time I was scooping his ashes, I was apologizing to him, saying, "Stephen, I'm so sorry if you don't want to be split up. Please forgive me if I'm not doing the right thing."

It wouldn't have been so hard if there weren't fragments in the ashes, like bone or teeth or something. They're not like cigarette ashes or the ashes left after a bonfire. They're brittle and coarse, made up of crushed bone, almost.

The day I received his ashes in the mail from his best friend Casey, I held the box in my lap and just cried. I was thinking, the last time I held my brother, he was cold and laying on a gurney. I hugged him, wishing he'd be warm and be able to hug me back. I didn't know the next time I held him, he would be inside a box that would fit in my lap. It was a surreal experience.

Below is the bag of ashes. I used a DVD case as a reference so you can see the size of the bag and the amount of ashes.

A blog about Stephen

My new friend Kimmy posted a blog about Stephen and my family on her blog at Griffensgift.com:

Stephen

Last night I was happy to receive a phone call from a young woman in Florida. When I answered she told me she had just read everyone of my blogs and wanted me to know that she lost her brother. She said it angered her how Griffen had been treated. She was very supportive and encouraging. I was grateful for her call.

Her brother Stephen was on a motorcycle driving home when a 20 year old girl who was drunk pulled out in front of him and killed him. I knew her pain and hope that I was able to somehow let her know she is not alone.

Stephen just like Griffen had his whole life ahead of him. He had a beautiful smile, beautiful eyes and like Griffen I am sure had no idea that his life would end so prematurely.

It wasn't long before I received an email from her dad. He said:

In our minds, the underage drinker is the symptom; the root of the problem is the person providing the drink. Nothing will change if these people are not stopped. The driver in our case was just the person who "pulled the trigger". The person providing the alcohol "loaded the gun". Something has to be done there we need to look at where these young people are getting their alcohol
He is right. I met with some law officers today whom I believe agreed with me that the penalty is not enough for providing alcohol to minors resulting in a death. Who on earth would really be scared of a fine and maybe 30 days in jail? We need the law that other states have. It should be a Felony and up to 5 years in prison. I believe these people would think more seriously if they could face charges like that.

The person who gave the 20 year old alcohol who then killed Stephen is just as guilty as the 20 year old herself. I believe the 20 year old is facing felony DUI charges. The person who provided her with alcohol and indirectly caused the death of another human being is walking away.

I have been thinking a lot about this. In SC and even the rest of the nation there are those who get up in arms over abortion. Our lawmakers were recently pondering making a woman watch a video of her unborn child before she had an abortion hoping to save a life. I have seen signs on Woodruff Road of protesters calling women who make that choice "murderers".

I find it interesting that so many are caught up in getting kids here and yet we don't protect them when they get older. (I am getting off subject here but a lot of times we don't protect them when they are young either.)

I wonder why more in our state are not just as concerned with the deaths of our youth which is going on at an increasing and alarming rate due to underage drinking? Stephen, two youths from Greenwood, the kids from the Ocean Isle fire(except Lauren Mahon who had no alcohol in her system), Benjamin Sprague, Griffen, all would have stood a much better chance of being here if we showed we valued the lives of our youth with stricter penalties and education.

Families like Stephens would not be facing never seeing their loved ones again if SC took to task punishing those who provide alcohol to minors resulting in their deaths with more than just a slap on the wrist. After Griffen's death I spoke at length with House of Representatives member Adam Taylor. He and I went to high school together. He said and I agree that the current penalty is an insult to those who are left behind.

On March 31 there is a hearing for Andrew C. Argo I encourage all of you out there who think this is a travesty to come to Lexington and stand with our family showing Judge Rebecca Adams and everyone there that we truly do value our young people and that making choices which help cost a life is worth more than just a fine.

Someone you should know about

I made a new friend tonight. Too bad it's not under better circumstances. I spoke with a woman, after reading her entire blog, who lost her brother in May 2007. His name was Griffen Lollis. You can see his website here: http://www.griffensgift.com/about.php

Griffen was 20 years old. He drank so much one night, he passed out. His "friends" removed his clothing and drew obscenities all over him with a permanent marker. They plucked his eyebrows and drew new ones on. Griffen was left to die on the side of the road. He woke up and saw the "tattoos" and tried to wash them off. He was angered and shamed. His last minutes of life we spent in shame. Griffen was a shy boy who stuttered and spent most of his childhood being ridiculed by his peers.

I feel for his sister. She is currently trying to change South Carolina laws so that the people who gave Griffen the alcohol will face a harsher penalty. Currently, transferring alcohol to a minor carries a punishment of 30 days in jail and a fine. People who are cruel to animals get harsher penalties than that! Kimberly is speaking at public forums, including Senate, to try to bring attention to this fact. She admits her brother's fault and is not a hypocrite. She just feels Griffen was punished for his actions. Shouldn't the other people involved be punished as well?

Please take a few moments to visit Griffens website and "meet" this young man.

Thank you all for still being here. I have big news, but I don't want to jinx it. But as soon as I have a definite answer for you, I will post, I promise!

Stephen's still touching lives

There have been some major developments in my life right now. Very big things happening for me and my family!

On Friday, I received a call from Lt. Burroughs of the Florida Highway Patrol. He wants me to do a presentation about drunk driving at a Town Hall Meeting, alongside Sen. Oelrich, who lost a son in a drunk driving accident during Spring Break. Can you believe it? The Town Hall meetings are basically a forum with a panel of experts. I'm going to be presenting a video about Stephen and his accident and also (probably) will be doing a PowerPoint Presentation about underage drinking and the adverse effects of alcohol on the body.

Here is the link to a draft of the video I will be showing. It's different than the memorial video that was made by his friends. I've already made some changes to it since I uploaded it, but you'll be able to get the gist of it:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7013185215503834182

I am so excited!!! Ever since Stephen died, my family has been searching for a reason for why this had to happen. We want for Stephen's death to have not been in vain. I have been waiting for an opportunity like this to come along! If I can use Stephen's death to save just one life, it will have not been for nothing.

Another big thing to happen today...Lt. Burroughs is thinking of filming the entire presentation and producing DVDs to be available state-wide for high schools and other community efforts. Can you believe it? We've got an amazing ball rolling and it's growing into something BIG! I can't wait!

Anyway, the date and time and other info is below, for any of my local friends who want to attend:

Fort White Town Hall Meeting
Fort White High School Gymnasium
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Refreshments, 5:30pm
Program begins at 7:00pm
I hope you'll attend if you can. It's going to be a big jumping-off point for something much, much bigger!